A Moment in Time [update]

Life has been entirely overwhelming recently. And my performance has been undeniably underwhelming. This will be a decidedly vomit-of-consciousness post.

School. School is probably going to be the death of me. Be it college or high school, I shall perish from the earth. So, I got in to the infamous Number One Choice (in my case, the George Washington University). Unfortunately, the Number One Choice also has a Number One Tuition Fee to go along with it. My college counselor estimates that I'll have racked up over 65,000 dollars in debt by the end of my college career. Needless to say, she does not advise throwing myself into so many loans. If GWU is not forthcoming with more aid, I may have to go to one of my not-as-high-choice schools, like Agnes Scott College or College of Charleston. That's not to say I think those schools are bad, just that they aren't my first choice. High school is a whole different kettle of fish, and I'm just trying to survive it with my writing and studying abilities intact.

I returned to my old internet haunt, which is an LGBT youth forum. I won't lie, things have changed so much. For one, there are so many more people than before, and only a few of the people from "my time" are still around. Of course, "my time" was only two short years ago. But in internet-time, that's almost two decades. To whine a little bit, there just seems to be so many people that it's hard to slip into feeling accepted. Perhaps it's partially my fault, but many of my "oldie" friends agree that it's just too busy now, it's not like when there were maybe 30 regular users. Now there are dozens. Oh well. It didn't have the "returning home" feeling I thought it would.

Senior project is absolutely daunting. My novel is still barely a third of the way finished, and I have a ten-page paper on top of it all that I must write. Fantastique. Better get on it, then.

Night [introspection]

Everything is quieter at night.
It's a simple fact. The streets are void of beer-bellied pickup trucks and mud-splattered SUV's.
I choose the sounds that fill my ears.
In fact, I'd like to stick with silence.

writing on the rocks [sketch]

she is not what I look like now.
her nubile flesh, pressed
deeply against the rocky sons
of mother earth, Desperate for
confession of her earthly sins.
under the unforgiving gaze of stars
ripens her lumpy woman-flesh,
a fruit that comes to bear in night.
oil glistens greenly in
the light of narcissistic birth,
and sends smokeless flame to lick
against a coal-colored sky.
pure night is tarnished by
the thrusts of gods, tearing
holes into her, through her,
penetrating her secret place.
but she holds us here, together,
a fruit that is a seed,
a seed sown in the dark.

Indigo Sky [retrospective sketch]

Feet pound pavement-a lazy run across the five-lane street,
Shoes eating asphalt,
drumming tothe slow blink of the bright red hand.

The curbside shadow looms:
I do not stop my run, no.
Away from the home, away from the lights,
into the night.

The sky is a dark purple-indigo,
sun gone to horizon, the moon
mysterious behind clouds.

My feet go faster, legs buzzing
a quiet protest in the back of my mind,muscle straining
moving my legs up
down, up, down,
down the stretch of sidewalk
where the weeds crack stone.

The street is bare, cars from the last stoplight
just coming ahead,
their lights anonymous and impartial,
gazes flickering at me, then away
as I run and run and run.
A sudden burst of light
explodes my sight, and I
look up in wonder.

The deep black clouds have showed their sign,
lightning lancing low against the skyline,
a splash of white
on the indigo canvas.

I am filled, now, with electricity
that courses through the air miles away-
my feet go faster, faster than I've gone before,
running and running to the place of my salvation.

Soon the desert fills my lungs and eyes
With the silent sound of creatures
breathing in the heavy dark.
Tall Saguaro guardians
Watch impassively as I stumble,
And silently I fall.

Hairs on my arms slowly stand,
looking around to see what happens next.
They sense it in the air,
They sense it on my lips,
They sense it in the earth.

Electricity.

Anti-Mormon Gay Protests [commentary]

Now, I'm going to keep this entry (relatively) short and sweet.

I am gay, yes. And I want to have the right to be married, yes. But do I advocate protesting in front of Mormon churches because the LDS church decided to fund "Yes on Prop. 8" campaigns?

No.

I think this is an error on the part of gay people (and even Whoopi Goldberg, who was awesome enough to come out and support her gay compatriots). We should not be protesting the LDS church- they have every right to be supporting what they believe in. It isn't necessarily the fault of the LDS church that Prop 8 was passed. They have a first amendment right to speak out about what they believe. Unfortunately in this case it is keeping marriage an institution between a man and a woman. But they still have the right to support that view as they see fit.

A better course of action would be focusing energy and money on reaching out to the community. We need visibility. It needs to be shown that gay people come in all shapes, sizes, and religions. This is a situation similar to ones that took place directly after Prop 8's passing- many people blamed the fact that the proposition passed on a majority of African-American votes. What can you do? Advocate to the community. Do PSA's. Speak to people. Some people cannot be persuaded, and I honestly think that the upper eschelons of LDS church society are set in their ways- yelling gay people outside their building only makes them feel vindicated in keeping a holy sacrament from screaming heathens. Leave the hard-ass churches alone and focus on making alliances in other places- large businesses, lobbyists, and more accepting denominations.

We need to focus our energy on reaching out, not pointing fingers.

School [sketch]

Early morning thoughts (taking place at approximately 7 am, when nobody has yet arrived at school).

Mornings are
white tennis shoes on
dingy gray
broken bones
and mollusc bits.
Mornings are
the dingy gray of
a dingy sky,
while deep green leaves
broil madly overhead.
Mornings are
White bulidings standing
still as stone,
Chalk lines against a
fragile sky.

Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka dot... Burqini?? [commentary]

"PARIS – A Muslim woman garbed in a head-to-toe swimsuit — dubbed a "burquini" — may have opened a new chapter in France's tussle between religious practices and its stern secular code.
Officials insisted Wednesday they banned the woman's use of the Islam-friendly suit at a local pool because of France's pool hygiene standards — not out of hostility to overtly Muslim garb.
Under the policy, swimmers are not allowed in pools with baggy clothing, including surfer-style shorts. Only figure-hugging suits are permitted."

This is a quote from the AP article regarding the contention over whether Islamic women should be allowed to wear a modified-for-swimming version of the head-to-toe burqa. The article states also that this debate has raged in many forms- over the legality of the hijab in French schools, and in wearing a burqa in general.

Frankly, this is ridiculous. Why should a woman not be allowed to wear a head-to-toe garment if it's in accordance with her beliefs? This is stifling religious rights, not allowing them. I know women of all ages who choose to wear their burqas and hijab out of a sense of religious duty. They don't feel coerced or oppressed. It seems that the government is making it out so that anyone wearing the hijab or burqa is somebody who is imprisoned within a rigid set of beliefs. While some women may feel coerced by their husbands to wear these items of clothings, it is not true that everybody who wears them is imprisoned.

On the contrary- Muslims who ascribe to following that Islamic doctrine should be allowed to wear what they believe to be appropriate. What is so wrong about being covered up? Now, I can understand why pool-owners would feel uncomfortable about a fully-clothed woman entering their pool. The article does make note of the fact that there are regulations against baggier styles of swimming suits, as it is said they are more prone to disease-spreading.

But in the larger picture, what does this say about France? A 2004 law banned the wearing of the hijab, along with kippot (Jewish skullcap, also known as yarmulkes), and the display of large Christian crosses.

While not a fierce advocate of public proselytizing, I believe that there is no problem with public displays of religion. Putting a Christian cross up on a front door or on a t-shirt does not force passers-by to become Christians (though it may repel the occasional vampire). My t-shirt that reads "Chocolate Lover" isn't against the law. It's just another piece of clothing that defines a little of who I am. That's just the same for religious attire- a simple admission of a belief that one holds. By no means does a piece of clothing reflect an entire person- instead, it adds to diversity. This is government regulation taken to ridiculous levels. What else can they ban? Will they begin to disallow religious practices entirely? If that happens, consider France boycotted in my book.

These women who wear what they consider modest clothing should not be disallowed to wear such things. If the government is going to start getting down on women with religiously modest clothing, who knows where they'll stop?

In the meanwhile, Muslim ladies in the house should rock their burqinis all they want.